Dogma Quotes Movie

Here are the best Dogma quotes from the movie Dogma. Dogma movie was released in 1999. It is a comedy fantasy. Two fallen angels are angry because they are cast out from the heaven. They are braking things, playing with people like toys, acting like hooligans. They found out that there is a way for them to get back to the heaven. But if they do it the whole humanity will be lost.

Dogma Quotes

Well, that was the story, and now let’s get on the Dogma quotes.

Loki:

You got to read at Sodom and Gomorrah. I had to do all the work.

Bartleby:

What work did you do? You lit a few fires.

Loki:

I rained down sulfur, man. There’s a subtle difference.

Bartleby:

Oh, okay, I’m sure.

Loki:

Hey, you know, fu** you man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulfur is like an endurance trial. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in . . . next to soccer.

Rufus:

Back in the old days with J.C., we used to walk everywhere. Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?

Clinic Girl:

You need to get laid, Bethany Slone. You need a man . . . if only for ten minutes.

Bethany:

It’s been my experience that the average male is never a man, not even for ten minutes in his entire lifespan.

Clinic Girl:

That sounds a little bit militant. Are you thinking of joining the other side?

Bethany:

Couldn’t do it . . . women are insane.

Clinic Girl:

Well then you have to go back to church and ask God for a third option.

Serendipity:

[I]t doesn’t matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith.

Loki:

I’ve heard a rant like this before.

Bartleby:

Don’t you fu**ing do that to me.

Loki:

You sound like the morning star.

Bartleby:

You shut your fu**ing mouth!

Loki:

You sound like Lucifer! Man, you’ve fu**ing lost it! You’re not talking about going home, Bartleby. You’re talking about fu**ing war on God. Well fu** that. I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on The Throne.

Bartleby:

Prepare to taste God’s wrath!

Metatron:

She can rebuild you. She has the technology. She can make you better, stronger, faster.

Bethany:

What’s he like?

Metatron:

God? Lonely, but funny. He’s got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There’s nothing funnier then the faces you people make mid-coitus.

Bethany:

Sex is a joke in Heaven?

Metatron:

The way I understand it, it’s mostly a joke down here, too.

Loki:

Last four days on Earth. If I had a dick, I’d go get laid. We can do the next best thing.

Bartleby:

What’s that?

Loki:

Well, let’s kill people.

Cardinal Glick:

[T]he first of many revamps the “Catholicism WOW!” campaign will unveil over the next year . . . I give you the Buddy Christ.

Bartleby:

Quit leering at me. People are going to think that I just broke up with you.

Metatron:

Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they’re speaking to me. Or, they’re talking to themselves.

Gun Salesman:

We call this piece the Fecalator–one look at it and the target sh**s him or herself.

Loki:

[I] can spot a commandment breaker from like a mile away. Oh bet on it.

Bartleby:

This from the guy who still owes me ten bucks over that bet about which was going to be the bigger movie: “E.T.” or “Krush Groove”?
Loki:

Fu** you, ’cause time is gonna tell on that one.

Cardinal Glick:

Christ didn’t come to Earth to give us the willies. He came to help us out.

Azrael:

No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air.

Bethany:

I think God is dead.

Clinic Girl:

The sign of a true Catholic.

Bartleby:

You really are just a simple creature.

Bethany:

You’re going to lead me somewhere.

Jay:

Me lead you?! Lady, look at me. I don’t even know where the Hell I am half the time!

Rufus:

[T]hat’s just what the good people of Antioch were saying, just before they stoned my ass.

Bethany:

You were martyred?

Rufus:

Well, that’s one way of puttin’ it. Another way is to say I was bludgeoned to sh** by big fu**ing rocks!

Rufus:

[B]asic strategy: if your enemies know where you are, then don’t be there.

Bartleby:

Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what ought to be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.

Bartleby:

[D]on’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

Azrael:

I’ve seen way too many Bond movies to know you never reveal all the details of your plan, no matter how close you may think you are to winning.

Loki:

Whose house? Ron’s house! I said whose house? Ron’s house! Whose house? Say what? Ron’s house! Say what? Mar-tin!

Metatron:

Tell a person you’re the Metatron and they stare at you blankly. Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everybody’s a theology scholar.

Loki:

Let it never be said that your anal retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results!

Bartleby:

You can’t be anal retentive if you don’t have an anus.

Bethany:

[Y]ou’re awfully nude. Rufus is it?

Rufus:

Yes, Rufus it is. Uh, it’s usually long Rufus, but it’s a little cold out here, you understand.

Bethany:

You have issues with Catholicism, I take it?

Serendipity:

I have issues with anyone who treats God like a burden instead of a blessing like some Catholics. You people don’t celebrate your faith . . . you morn it.

Jay:

What the fu** is this sh**! Who the fu** are you, lady?! Why the fu** did you hug my head?!

Bartleby:

God’s house? God doesn’t live here anymore. He’s grown weary of your superficial faith. He’s turned a deaf ear to your lip service prayers.

Metatron:

Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty, and voice of the one true God.

Bartleby:

You know here’s what I don’t get about you: you know for a fact that there is a God. You’ve been in his presence, he’s spoken to you personally, and yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.

Metatron:

Anyone who isn’t dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears, right about . . . now.

Metatron:

For their insolence God decreed that neither Loki nor Bartleby would ever be allowed back into Paradise.
Bethany:

Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron:

Worse . . . Wisconsin . . . for the entire span of human history.

Rufus:

This girl is no woman.
Bethany:

Oh, those weren’t tits I saw Jay cozying up to?
Serendipity:

What these? You should know better than anyone at this table that tits don’t make a woman.
Rufus:

Hell, the tubby coat wearing mother fu**er’s got tits!

Metatron:

Wax on. Wax off.

Jay:

Movies are fu**ing bullshit.

Bartleby:

I really don’t think a killing spree is going to make things better for us!

Loki:

Find some man, find some woman, that you can connect with . . . even for a moment, ’cause that’s really all that life is, Sister. It’s a series of moments.

Bethany:

You knew Christ?

Rufus:

Knew him? Sh**, ni**er owes me 12 bucks!

Cardinal Glick:

Fill those pews people! That’s the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook ’em while they’re young.

Rufus:

Kind of like the tobacco industry?